Toileting/Training/Timing Post. Our Experience
- Sarah Louise Clarke
- Aug 18, 2024
- 6 min read
Written and typed June 7 & August 18, 2024
A friend of mine was asking about how our toileting experience was going and called it: bathroom manners!
I loved it!
I was confused though, because he meant: training! And I thought: my daughter has bathroom manners! Thank you very much! 😂
But I misunderstood his meaning. When he asked me if my daughter had bathroom manners, he meant was she toilet trained?!
Now, toilet training to everyone is different! It doesn't have to be called toilet training. Growing up, that's what it was called. But now, being a mum of disability, I discovered a new form called: toilet timing.
Toilet timing is different to toilet training in the sense that from our experience - selecting a time frame to take my child to the toilet, instead of the usual every hour or whatever most parents do with their kids during toilet training.
For us, we had to change our thinking, because we were not dealing with a standard child! (Every child is different), but that aside, our experience even more so.
There are no hard set rules when it comes to Toileting, and while there are standard practices, not every child will follow them! Well, der! Speak the obvious 😂
We started toilet training from age 3. Every summer, autumn and spring. Winter freezing, seat too cold!
But every year we discovered our girl wasn't ready. And each time became more stressful, to the point we didn't use the bathroom. We have hit and misses at other places, still in nappies. But now adult sized pull-ups instead of children's size. As Christina is 9, we wanted to start introducing more age appropriate nappies. At home at least we can get her to at least wee in the shower.
Here is where toilet timing came in.
We choose morning, afternoon and evening shower wees!
After Christina's hospital 11 day stay for bowel and bladder, intestinal issues in May, we decided as a family to start a new routine in hospital, to home and we have been able to continue. We need her bladder to return to its normal size and this means regular wee. The shower is the main form of "toileting" for Christina. With her rigid thinking, weeing in the shower for some reason is more comfortable. She will sit on the toilet happily but not to release. It could be sensory processing of sitting on the toilet and letting go, or it could be her preference to stand! It could be anxiety. We don't know, she can't tell us!
What we do know is that she's not ready to be toilet trained even at age 9. So we do toilet timing instead!
We still keep to routine and consistency! We sit on the toilet morning and night, we go through the motions of the toilet and washing hands despite not fully understanding the process. But the aim is to keep trying so that one day it all clicks!
Interestingly, mum was saying Christina may only be toilet trained on one toilet! Good point. Hopefully home would be that toilet. If we can get Christina to make a bowel motion in the bathroom instead of the lounge room, that would be a great next step!
Another idea came to mum's mind was the plastic urinal you can order from the chemist.
We are calling it the: wee bottle!
The idea behind this is to teach Christina to wee in it at home and then eventually and inconspicuously transport it with us and teach her to wee at other locations this way, if she won't be toilet trained for a while. Our main concern is making sure that she does regular wees and if this option works, we may get her to wee in other locations, so she doesn't hold on all day!
Her bladder control incredible. She can hold on for 13 hours and that's not good for long term health. And seeing her in urinary retention in hospital, I never want to experience that again.
Step one: toilet timing! (Sitting on toilet despite no release)
Step two: wee in the shower regularly learning to use the wee bottle! Morning and night.
Or to get her to poo in the bathroom instead of the loungeroom.
Our last idea was the toilet seat. The picture at the top of the post shows the red cherry toilet seat mum ordered from Victoria.
There are also other options and colours.
It's cushioned and soft and not as freezing cold as a standard toilet seat.
We just figured we try everything!
If something works it's better than nothing.
Christina needs to wee and poo. And if she only does in nappies, showers or urinal bottles, then that is the way it is until she is ready to be toilet trained.
Our therapists said toileting needs to be fun and inviting! As soon as distress or unhappiness comes in we stop! We only want positive experiences in the bathroom because these events are every day regulars.
•We tried the standard way of toilet training and it was a failure and highly distressing!
•We tried undies and Christina stopped drinking and weeing. She hated the sensory down her legs!
•Back in 2019, Christina stopped drinking when she had influenza A in preschool and she was in Mt Druitt hospital in the children's ward! (Just before COVID too! Wow) She was on a IV cannula and fluids to get her hydrated again.
We all knew by the end of 2021, Christina wasn't going to be toilet trained before 10!
We saw our developmental Paediatrician, (the lady who diagnosed Christina with level 3 Autism spectrum disorder and language delay). And she told us that Christina won't be toilet trained before the age of 12, and even then maybe only partially trained after, but that we should expect menstruation to occur as early as this year. I don't know what news I was more horrified over: pubic hair at age 7 or menstruation at age 9!
I thought it was too early, but according to specialists, the age is getting younger and especially in autistic girls!
I have to get my head around that fact!
But I'm at the stage of acceptance and embracement, but it's also my norm.
My child is beautiful but there are many challenges ahead with having multiple complex disabilities.
Looking back, our hospital experience this year will most likely happen again, although we will try very hard to keep away from it. So far out new form of constipation relief is doing just that!
The hospital recommended Osmolax relief over Movacol for laxative treatment and we have to give it to Christina every day for 6 months.
Sloppy poo is our best friend 🤣
No more constipation or faecal impaction please! 😅
I have learnt that there is no right or wrong way of toilet training and who's going to see the results done in private aye! 😂
We do what works and we do what is best for the particular child at hand. Trying to be like everyone else never works! We are living proof!!
Forcing a child with complex needs or disabilities to fit and mold to society's standards is unfair. Every individual should have a plan catered to fit their special needs profile.
Take the anxiety and the stress out of it and have an open mind to the concept of toilet training. For every child is different. What works for some doesn't work for others and comparing yourself to others or your child to other children does not help you in the long run.
Life is an adventure and sometimes the road is treacherous! God makes us all unique and diverse. All you can do is your best for your child or children and do it your way! It's no-one else's business unless you invite them into your inner circle experience. Or you reach out for professional support.
Our therapists and I have come up with a name for ourselves whenever we have a meeting or send group emails: Team Christina! 🥰 We are all here to support and provide Christina with the best support possible so she can reach her full potential!
I call myself the bowel patrol, and when I'm expecting a poo in the toilet timing time slot, I want to try and get Christina into the bathroom. Poo patrol officer here 😂
Make toileting, timing or training work for you and your child or children and each experience will be different.
My best wishes to you on your toileting journeys,
Love Sarah Louise Clarke
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